The Journey Has Been Bumpy.....

I like to think of my life as a journey or a nice long road trip. There are going to be detours, forks in the road, and hard decisions to make on which way to go. Trust me, sometimes I get really lost, and on this journey there are some bumps. Sometimes these bumps feel like craters. Huge craters at times, actually, the kind where you need a new rim for your car because it may have popped the tire and bent the rim, or maybe your whole car just fell right in. It's never been a journey I haven't wanted to be on, though. Along the way I have been blessed with the most amazing passengers along each route. If we have had the blessing to meet, you have become part of the journey at some point. Lately, this journey has been a bit bumpy. Like 'riding in one of those old Jeeps, sitting on those spring seats with your grandfather, going along on an old dirt road' bumpy, which makes your teeth kind of rattle and your head hurt a little bit. Since about the time we were getting ready to leave Germany up until this point, it seems we have done nothing but go through some great losses. Losses of some people that if only we had taken more time to get to know, and some that maybe we didn't know well but they were still a part of our journey, and a loss that is just the most unbearable kind of loss we have never wanted one of our friends to go through again. However, here we are, watching our friends grieve an unimaginable loss, and yet again we are so far away. The losses that have weighed on our hearts are just part of the stress we have gone through since our move, and while I won't go into great detail it has not been easy. Let's just say retirement from this gig cannot come soon enough, so we can just move on and put it behind us. Here's the plus side though, my husband and I are not ones to sit in a "woe is me" or "why us" type of pity party. It has truly been a trial on our faith and our strength over the last five months. It's been hard and difficult; sometimes I just want to sleep and hide under the covers and wake up at the end of the year. I'd love nothing more than to have it all over with so we can get away from all the bad that has happened since being here, but we are coming through it all and we are forever praying for our friends that are going through much worse times than us. Here's the thing. Sometimes it seriously feels like the world is crashing into us and is going to crush all that we are trying to live for. We have to get up, dust ourselves off, and move forward. We really could sit here and point out all the wrong-doings, bad happenings, and all of our dear family members and friends that we have lost in the last 5 months, but that will do nothing for us or them and the grieving families. We have to remember that we have to live on for those that aren't here anymore. They are in our hearts and on our minds, and we have to take those memories and do our best to honor them every single day. Some left us all too soon, too young, and it's not fair at all. Life is too short; they are the proof that our lives can change so quickly and within the blink of an eye. I mean, heck, even some of our friends are fighting for their lives at this very moment. In the end, some of these problems we do have are quite trivial in the grand scheme of things. This isn't meant to minimize ones problems, but to put it in perspective. When I get news like I got this morning about my friends losing their sweet baby boy, or that my dear friend has to go through very high doses of chemo, it really makes me take a step back and take a look at what I am doing with my life. My heart is broken for my friends and their loss. I am praying for their comfort and peace of mind that he is resting and flying high with the angels. I wish I could take away their pain, but I don't even know where to start, and I am half a world away. These moments take your breath away. They make you want to hold your family close, and tell everyone you know how much you love them and that they mean everything to you. At the same time, I wish I lived close to my friend so I could hold her hand during her treatments. Being a military family has so many benefits, as well many down sides of being so far away, when all you want is to be so close. I am not one to really get depressed, but anxiety is probably the top of my list these days. Staying positive that things will turn around is all I have to hold on to at this moment in time. I get asked often how I stay so positive when things seem to be going so crazy. I think to myself, well in my head it's a mad house, lol. I don't know how or if I am even staying positive, but I definitely don't feel calm sometimes. I do know that being optimistic and knowing it can only go up from here is the only way to go. I can't turn around and go back. That road is closed, under permanent construction. In this life I have a choice: travel the road of feeling sorry for myself that has no upside, adventure, or fun, or veer right, and find an adventure. Take that bumpy road and handle those bumps as they come. Maybe a few detours will arise, but, man, let me tell you, the sights along the way, those amazing people I get to meet (and they are AMAZING), sounds a lot more interesting. My shotgun riders, my husband, and my little pups are the best I could ask for. For now, I will continue to pray for my friends, their family, and anyone going through tough times, because my tough times can be overcome. My friend's journeys are going to get a lot tougher, and it's important for me to be able to be strong for them when they might need to take a little road trip; I'll be the first in the car, dibs on the music. One never knows when they might need a little positivity in their life, an upbeat chat, some strength to pull from, or just a shoulder. I don't mind being that person that brings in that little ray of sunshine to someone else. Even when it might seem hard to bring it in to my own life, I can open all the curtains and break it through for all of them. So who wants to go for a ride? Hold on, it's gonna be a little bumpy.